My Story

So, growing up I have always been kind of weird. I never fit in with the so called “Popular Crowd”, but I also wasn’t alone with no friends or a so called “loser.” I grew up in elementary school with some great friends and played some sports that kept me in shape. Then I reached middle school and everything changed. I lost some friends, stopped playing sports, and became extremely depressed. I also started to see a counselor. I felt like a loser. I felt like nobody truly liked me and that I didn’t fit in with anyone. I eventually started gaining weight and turned to food to comfort me. Bullying started in my grade. The girls in my grade were very mean to each other. I was harassed and many people were racist. It was hard being practically the only African American in a white school. We eventually had a school counselor for our grade mainly. I cried at home and my parents were thinking about sending me to different schools. I stuck it out though. This is when suicidal thoughts crept into my mind. Things went downhill from there.
When I graduated 8th grade, almost every person went to NCC or Highlands High School. I was almost going to Holy Cross. My parents did not want me to go to the school where most of the girls and boys in my grade were going. I eventually convinced them to let me go to NCC. I had a great freshmen year, and the rest of my years in high school were depressing and horrible. I hated high school. I never would go back. Bullying and racism and harassment were everywhere. I developed eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, cutting, and did things that were not healthy for me at all. I put on a fake smile and personality so nobody would see the hurt I was going through.
In October of 2012, in college I decided I had enough. Nobody listened to me, I was told I was fat and I felt worthless. I hated myself and everything about me. I felt like I wasn’t meant to be in my family and felt like the outcast because I was adopted. I felt fat, unattractive, horrible, depressed, and overall I hated myself. I took a lot of pills at my college campus and tried overdosing. A girl took me to the nurse and I told her what I did. I was then taken away into an ambulance and rushed to the hospital. Tests and IVs were going in and out of me and I had to talk to so many people. I had no privacy and was constantly watched. I was then sent to a REHAB place where I stayed for about three days. I was watched ALL THE TIME and it was like jail. I couldn’t have certain things and I hated it. In the end it really helped me. I hated myself like no other and I wanted to be dead and left alone. I still get extremely low sometimes, but I have ways of coping with it now. I see a counselor, go to church, pray, go to support groups, attend family counseling, and help out with bullying prevention stuff. I hope people never get as low as I was. I still struggle with loving myself and accepting myself as I am, but I have a God who loves me and made me in his image and likeness. I hope I can speak some day to others about my struggles. Thanks for the time. God Bless everyone.

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